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Exercise 3: Why collecting?

So what function does collecting sexual images of children serve for you?

Use Exercises 3A and 3B to help you explore this.

Part A

Answer questions 1–4 by rating how positive or negative you feel on a scale of 1–10, with 1 being very negative and 10 being very positive, in each situation.

How do I feel before I start working on my collection? 
How do I feel while I am working on my collection? 
How do I feel when I have finished my collecting? 
How do I feel if I haven’t collected that day? 

Describe these emotions. Clue: if they are positive, examples include happy, excited or calm; if they are negative, examples include frustrated, angry, sad or bored.

You might find it easier to look at your answers on a graph so that you can see the change in your feelings. Take a look at the example below and then see if you can plot your own.

So for this person, by observing the green line, it is clear to see that they feel in a low mood prior to working on their collection. During the collecting, their mood increases. Afterwards, their mood drops again; this may be due to the guilt of what they have been accessing online, but it may also be due to the fact they are simply not collecting at that time.

The red line represents how they tend to feel on a day they are not collecting. So this graph may suggest that this person works on their collection when they feel low and uses it to perk themselves back up; and on the days they feel OK, they tend not to collect.

But why are they feeling low? Only they will know the answer to this but the module Recognizing and dealing with feelings may help explore this.

Part B

Now answer the following questions.

  1. How important is it for me to be collecting sexual images of children? Why?
  2. Why do I keep certain material? Why would I not put certain material in my collection?
  3. How many hours are spent trying to add to my collection? Is it too many?
  4. What needs are being met by having these sexual images in my collection? Make a note of the options below that apply to you.
    • My collecting makes me feel creative. It gives me a sense of achievement and helps me to feel good about myself. (Creativity)
    • My collecting helps me to excel in my job/at work as I feel like I have mastered and perfected the activity. (Excellence at work)
    • My collecting feels worthwhile. It is fun, exciting and can feel like a challenge. (Excellence in play)
    • My collecting makes me feel like my life has a purpose. (Spirituality)
    • My collecting makes me feel peace and at ease. It makes me feel comfortable. It helps me to escape from difficult feelings. (Inner peace)
    • My collecting helps me to look after myself, both physically and emotionally. (Life)
    • My collecting has a positive effect on my romantic and familial relationships; both sexually and emotionally. (Relatedness)
    • My collecting gives me control in my life. It makes me feel like I can make decisions and I have a say in what I do. (Excellence in Agency)
    • My collecting gives me knowledge. It makes me feel like I am intelligent and that I know things. (Knowledge)
    • My collecting makes me feel like I belong to something. I feel like I am a part of a club or a group. (Community)
    • My collecting makes me feel good. I get pleasure from collecting. (Pleasure)

You have just identified what needs the collecting is meeting for you.

Now you need to decide what you can do in order to meet these needs in a healthier, safer and legal way. We will help you to do just that in the building a good life section, so ensure you make a note of these needs so you can refer to them later.

  1. Download and open the file in a PDF reader. If you can’t do this, you can download this free PDF reader from Adobe.
  2. Modify the worksheets by filling in the editable fields.
  3. No need to return us the documents. Everything will stay completely private!

Justifications

A lot of people will have known that their collecting was wrong, but still continued to do it anyway. What are your justifications? Take some time to think about these or write them down before you begin Exercise 4.

Tip: Be honest with yourself. You will never fully be able to understand your collecting if you are not acknowledging your true justifications.