Click to escape

Sexual communication

Understanding the behaviour 1J – Sexual communication with minors online Sexual communication

What do we mean by ‘sexual communication?’

Under the Canadian Criminal Code, in this case section 172.1 , an adult commits the offence of child luring if he or she communicates by telecommunication with a person under the age of 18 for the purpose of sexual gratification.

Sexual communication with a child is often referred to as online grooming. It can take many forms and with different motivations. All forms are regarded as child sexual abuse. They are illegal and cause harm.

Some people communicate sexually with a minor or minors online because they find it sexually arousing. Other people do so in order to persuade minors to send them sexual images or videos of themselves. Some people communicate sexually with minors online because they want to meet the minors offline in order to sexually interact with them. These behaviours can overlap, so that it’s not always clear at the outset what someone really wants from their sexual communication.

People’s behaviour varies too. For example, many people engaging in this behaviour report having sexual contact with a large number of minors online, and sending sexual pictures of themselves to the minors, too. Other people may communicate sexually with only one minor.

Some introduce the topic of sex very quickly, whereas others will engage in ‘grooming behaviours,’ where they spend time building rapport and establishing trust with a minor before the issue of sex is raised.

Below are some examples of people who have engaged in sexual communication with minors online, which show the different aspect of the behaviour.

Asmir

Asmir is married, in his late 40s and has three children aged 7–12. Until recently he was working in a stressful job as a manager in the hospitality industry. He has viewed adult pornography, on and off, ever since he was a teenager. In recent years he has started to use adult chat rooms as a sexual outlet, and, on occasions, he has engaged with teenage girls via webcam i.e. encouraged them to masturbate on camera and exposed himself to them. He has never attempted to meet up with any adults or minors offline and has had no interest in doing so. For Asmir, his sexual interactions with adults and teenage girls online were a way for him to use sex to de-stress in the evenings when the rest of his family were asleep.

Ben

Ben is a gay man in his 30s. He has no children and works in financial services. He has a limited history of adult relationships and has not been in a relationship for some years, about which he has felt frustrated and anxious. In recent months, using various social media platforms, he set up a fake profile of a teenage girl. Using this profile, he then contacted teenage boys online and, over time, would start to talk to the boys about their sexual behaviour, fantasies and so on. Ben made no attempt to meet the boys offline – after all, he was pretending to be a teenage girl. Ben found these sexual conversations with boys arousing and he also enjoyed the challenge of getting the boys to talk about their sexual behaviour.

Robert

Rob is in his mid-40s and works at his local supermarket. He lives alone and has only had one relationship in his life, which ended many years ago when his partner was unfaithful to him with one of his friends. Rob has been wary of meeting anyone new ever since. However, over the last three years, through social media, he started to chat to others online. Rob was not looking to get into a relationship and enjoyed talking to a wide range of people. He especially liked to give support to young people who were struggling with their mental health, as he felt like he had relevant experiences he could share. Over time, he became close to a 15-year-old girl called Claire, who was experiencing bullying at school. Rob and Claire spent a lot of time talking via a messaging platform, especially in the evenings. After some months, Rob felt that he had fallen in love with Claire. He shared his feelings with her and said that he felt they were meant to be together as a couple. To his delight and relief, Claire said that she felt the same, and they agreed to go away for a weekend, in secret.

John

John is aged 28. He lives in a house share and works as a software developer. He has always viewed adult pornography and has had a lot of sexual partners in recent years. John enjoys partying and uses recreational drugs most weekends. He feels like he is too young to settle down, and sex is an important part of his lifestyle. John has various profiles on numerous dating apps and social media platforms, which he uses to find new sexual partners and/or to engage in cybersex. John is most attracted to women aged 18–24 but knows that some of the girls he has chatted to online have been as young as 14. Some weeks ago, he also met up with a girl, who he now thinks was underage, and had sex with her in a hotel.

Considering these examples, did you recognize any of your own behaviours? Were you able to relate to any aspects of the person’s situation?

Motivations for engaging in sexual communication with minors

Some people tell us that their interaction with minors was not only motivated by sex. Instead some people talk about wanting to feel understood, or enjoying the connection with the minor they are speaking to.

Our experience is that people’s motivations are often about more things than simply sexual pleasure. As such, it is important to considering your motives, so that you are able to manage your behaviour more responsibly in the future.

Many of the motivations noted in the Understanding Why section will also be relevant for people who have communicated sexually with minors online. Take a look and see which might have been significant for you. You might find it helpful to complete the timeline exercise if you haven’t done so already.

Different groups

Research and practice concerning the online grooming of minors are relatively new. We are therefore still learning about this behaviour, and the people who engage in it. Some researchers have suggested that people who sexually abuse minors in this way fall into different groups, depending on their motives and behaviour.

The European Online Grooming Project (Webster et al., 2012) proposes three broad groups:

People who want to feel close to a minor – ‘intimacy seeking’
People who adapt and change their online behaviour and profiles depending on the response of the minor they are chatting to – ‘adaptable’
People who act in a very sexual way from the outset – ‘hypersexual’

The difference between these groups, in terms of their online behaviour, is mainly about the intensity and duration of the online communication between the adult and the minor. The motivations, however, may differ.

Previous Section

Back to Section

Next Partie

Événement	Âge	Situation ou événement de la vie - Qu'est-ce qui vous a amené à franchir une barrière dans votre progression vers un comportement sexuel problématique?	Activités ou actions - Décrivez les comportements que vous avez adoptés.	Comment vous sentiez-vous à ce moment-là?	Le fait d'utiliser Internet ou d'avoir des fantasmes envers les personnes mineures a-t-il changé votre façon de penser? De quelle manière? Retrouvez les pensées qui accompagnaient régulièrement chaque activité.
1
2
3
4
5
6
7

	Lun		Mar		Mer		Jeu		Ven		Sam		Dim
06:00-07:00
07:00-08:00
08:00-09:00
09:00-10:00
10:00-11:00
11:00-12:00
12:00-13:00
13:00-13:00
14:00-15:00
15:00-16:00
16:00-17:00
17:00-18:00
18:00-19:00
19:00-20:00
20:00-21:00
21:00-22:00
22:00-23:00
23:00-00:00
00:00-01:00
01:00-02:00
02:00-03:00
03:00-04:00
04:00-05:00
05:00-06:00

Module 1A - Comprendre pourquoi

PARTIE C : Comprendre votre comportement au fil du temps

En examinant votre journal et votre ligne du temps, posez-vous les questions suivantes :

1. Quel contrôle pensez-vous avoir eu sur les événements qui vous ont poussé à adopter un comportement plus risqué? En y repensant, comment auriez-vous pu les gérer autrement?

2. Quel contrôle pensez-vous avoir eu sur les choix que vous avez faits avant de passer à un comportement plus délinquant? Pourquoi?

3. Quels effets ou tendances pouvez-vous constater sur le développement de vos fantasmes sexuels?

Réfléchissez maintenant à la date à laquelle vous avez commencé à utiliser régulièrement Internet pour avoir des comportements ou des fantasmes sexuels :

1. Qu’est-ce qui vous a décidé à utiliser Internet?

2. L’utilisation d’Internet a-t-elle changé votre façon de penser? De quelle manière?

3. Avec le temps, quel effet Internet a-t-il eu sur votre vie hors ligne (dans le monde réel)?

4. Comment décririez-vous votre vie en ligne (pendant que vous utilisez Internet)?

Pensez maintenant à l’événement unique qui vous a amené à accéder à des contenus illégaux en ligne pour la première fois ou à avoir des fantasmes sexuels problématiques :

1. Pourquoi pensez-vous que c’est cet événement en particulier qui vous a amené à accéder pour la première fois à un contenu illégal? Pourquoi pas quelque chose d’autre qui se serait produit avant cela dans votre vie?

2. Y a-t-il eu d’autres événements dans votre vie, en dehors de ce que vous avez mentionné, qui auraient pu contribuer à votre décision d’aller voir des images sexuelles d’enfants sur Internet ou d’entretenir des fantasmes sexuels problématiques?

3. Pourquoi pensez-vous avoir continué ce comportement?

4. À l’aide de la liste ci-dessous, notez tous les comportements sexuels problématiques que vous avez eus :

Pouvez-vous dire comment vos infractions ont évolué avec le temps et quels comportements elles impliquaient?

5. Avez-vous, à un moment donné, essayé de cesser d’utiliser Internet pour accéder à des images illégales d’enfants? Si oui, combien de fois avez-vous essayé d’arrêter? Pourquoi pensez-vous que vous n’avez pas réussi?

6. Quelles sont les raisons importantes qui vous motivent à vous attaquer à votre comportement maintenant? À quel point est-ce qu’elles sont importantes pour vous?

Understanding the behaviour

Sexual communication

What do we mean by ‘sexual communication?’

Motivations for engaging in sexual communication with minors

Different groups