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Understanding the behaviour

1A – Understanding why
4 Parties
Starting point
Exercise 1: Diary of your fantasies or daily Internet use
Exercise 2: Progression timeline
Reflection
1B – Triggers
3 Parties
The different types of triggers
Situational and environmental risks
Reflection
1C – Taking responsibility
4 Parties
Starting point
Denial
Changes
Reflection
1D – Fantasies
7 Parties
What is a fantasy?
Exercise 1 : Thinking about past fantasies
Types of fantasies
Exercise 2: Fantasy knowledge
Exercise 3: Inappropriate fantasy
Exercise 4: Use a fantasy management technique
Reflection
1E – Addiction
3 Parties
Starting point
Take care of yourself
Reflection
1F – The problem of immediate gratification
2 Parties
Immediate gratification
Reflection
1G – Online words
8 Parties
Sex and the Internet
Exercise 1: Sex and the Internet
Online Behaviour
Exercise 2: My Online and Offline Behaviour
Exercise 3: Online and Offline Relationships
Exercise 4: What do I look for in “real life” relationships?
Exercise 5: How do I cope with isolation or loneliness?
Reflection
1H – Images are minors
7 Parties
Starting point
Exercise 1: Understanding and responding to justifications
Consent
Exercise 2: Empathy
The effects on the minor of being involved in the production of sexual images
Exercise 3: Effects on you
Reflection
1I – Problematic collecting of images of sexual exploitation of minors on the Internet
6 Parties
Why do people collect?
Exercise 1: My collecting
Exercise 2: The impact of collecting on my life
Exercise 3: Why collecting?
Exercise 4 – Challenge yourself
Reflection
1J – Sexual communication with minors online
6 Parties
Sexual communication
Exercise 1: Different approaches to minors
Exercise 2: My different stages
Exercise 3: Cycle of online grooming
Exercise 4: The minor’s perspective
Reflection
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Immediate gratification

Understanding the behaviour 1F – The problem of immediate gratification Immediate gratification

If you have had fantasies about minors or have had access to images of sexual exploitation of minors on the Internet, you might have wondered why you choose behaviours with such short-term gain when they have such long-term negative consequences.

Here are some possible explanations:

  • Long-term consequences can be less certain, for example you might get arrested
  • Long-term consequences can seem less intense compared to instant sexual relief
  • You can think that you care less about the long-term impact at the time and especially if feeling upset or low
  • You might go through ‘moral disengagement’. This can happen in different ways but often involves:
    — passing responsibility onto others, for example “I wouldn’t look if the images weren’t there”
    — minimizing the harm caused, for example “it’s only chatting”
    — dehumanizing the victim, for example “it’s only an image”
    — collective action, for example “other people are doing it”
    Moral disengagement allows people to enjoy a behaviour that is unacceptable when you know that minors are being sexually harmed.

This still might not help you understand why you chose to have fantasies about minors or why you have chosen to look at images of sexual exploitation of minors and certainly does not excuse this behaviour. But it can help you understand why you prioritized your short-term needs despite the consequences. It is important that you start to think about how you can reduce the power of instant gratification if this has been a particular problem for you. 

What can you do?

One way to work against the power of instant gratification is to think about how you will feel in an hour, a week or a month if you do the illegal behaviour, for example if you have fantasies about minors, go online, look at illegal images and then feel guilty or ashamed. Also think about how you will feel if you don’t do it, for example if you read a book or go for a walk and then feel proud, happy or relieved.

Another way to work against the power of instant gratification is to write a list of the costs and gains of the behaviour, which can be split into long-term and short-term.

Download printable template
Understanding the behaviour 1F – The problem of immediate gratification Immediate gratification
  1. Download and open the file in a PDF reader. If you can’t do this, you can download this free PDF reader from Adobe.
  2. Modify the worksheets by filling in the editable fields.
  3. No need to return us the documents. Everything will stay completely private!
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Can you identify any more short-term gains or any long-term gains?

Very few people can identify long-term gains from their behaviour – this shows how powerful the urge for sexual relief can be in the moment but also why they want to stop their negative behaviour.

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