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Types of fantasies

Appropriate versus inappropriate fantasy

Well, actually, you are harming yourself because you are reinforcing your attraction to things that are illegal and abusive.

As explored earlier, we can get pleasure from our fantasies. If the subjects of our fantasies are inappropriate, we then associate feelings of pleasure with something that is illegal and abusive. This is particularly true if you masturbate to the point of ejaculation to the fantasy, as the next time you think of the fantasy you will remember the pleasure and arousal.

This is not helpful if you want to control an attraction to children or an illegal behaviour such as looking at sexual images of children.

So what is appropriate and inappropriate fantasies? We split inappropriate fantasies into three sections:

Illegal fantasies

These are fantasies that would be illegal if they were carried out or acted on in real life, such as having sex with a child.

Abusive fantasies

Imagine that you are a 48-year-old man and you have a sexual fantasy about a 16-year-old boy or girl. Is it illegal? No. But is it appropriate? We think not, because there is probably a difference in power, whether it is based on age, money or life experience.

Not OK for me

This could be a legal and healthy fantasy for consenting adults, but not for you. For example, an adult dressed as a school child. This may be OK for some people but for those who have a sexual interest in children, it may take them a step closer to a fantasy about a child.

Whether a particular fantasy is considered ‘inappropriate’ can vary from person to person; for example, it is more appropriate for a 20-year-old person to have sexual fantasies about an 18-year-old person than a 60-year-old person.

Now let us see how much you understand fantasy, using Exercise 2.