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Talking to Your Partner

All of the skills described above are really important when talking to your partner. In addition, here are some suggestions about how to support your partner:

Allow partners time to process the information

It is always a shock to the family members but incredibly so for a partner. While you will have known that getting caught was a possibility, they will have been unaware of your behaviour. They will need time to process what is happening and to make sense of what this means for them.

Be aware of how they are coping

In some cases the arrest will be so distressing that the partner may struggle to cope and experience mental health difficulties. In some cases the partner may find talking to the ligne d’Écoute entraide − Montréal: 514 278-2130 / toll-free: 1-855-EN LIGNE (365-4463) – or by calling the Association des Centres d’écoute du Québec (https://www.lignedecoute.ca) be useful. However, any of the following may be indicators that your partner could benefit from being signposted to a general practitioner or counselling service:

  • Persistently (i.e. for weeks/months, rather than days) having difficulties with eating and/or sleeping
  • Drinking more alcohol than usual or drinking alcohol more frequently
  • Frequently crying
  • Low mood that affects their ability to go about daily activities
  • Persistently unable to go to work due to how they are feeling
  • Becoming socially isolated (avoiding family and friends)
  • Difficulties with separating thoughts and reality
  • Loss of interest in the things they used to enjoy
  • Persistent feelings of fear or anxiety

The above is not an exhaustive list. Any persistent changes in mood, thinking or behaviour that do not subside after a few weeks are worth checking out with a general practitioner.

Understand the problem

To help your partner make sense of her situation, it helps to understand the phenomenon of Internet offending. To get this kind of information they can visit the Regroupement des intervenants en matière d’agression sexuelle du Québec  (RIMAS / 514 250-0029) ou parler aussi en toute confidentialité à un professionnel ou une professionnelle au 579 641-7729

Some of these resources could also provide information about the criminal justice
system and how the arrest might affect your partner. You could also contact JURIPOP
(855 587-4767) or Alter Justice, a support and information group for people in the
criminal justice system (418 522-4343; French only) as well as Relais Famille (514 419-
6632 / toll-free: 1 855 419-6632).

Finally, if you are more comfortable with English, you may choose to contact partner SPEAK, Wife Support Group, The Global Prevention Project as well as the
sexualbehaviorsclinic.ca/resources website.