The most important person in the conversation is the person you are talking to, and their feelings and reactions must come first. Here are some things you should consider. The advice has come from someone who has disclosed to over 50 family and friends:

• It is probably best to choose a neutral location. If you meet in your home, then the person you are talking to may feel uncomfortable at the thought that that was where the offence may have been committed and may wish to leave. If you go to their home, you risk them asking you to leave. A neutral place feels more comfortable and reduces the pressure.
• Think about where and how you sit. Try to choose a table in a quiet area as you will not want to be overheard. Try not to be in a location that has children or young people as that will add to the pressure on both of you. Place your chair so that you are facing away from anyone else in the room – that way you are likely to feel more comfortable about being open and discussing the issue.
• Try and have a table between you. It creates a low barrier but also can work as a useful prop for both of you as you will be able to pause more easily if there are things to pick up and a place to put your drinks.
• Think about how you speak and how you break the news to them. It is very important that they do not feel intimidated as you are probably about to say something that will shock, hurt and anger them.
• Try to keep your voice at a low level and do not speak too fast.
• It can be helpful to have a few minutes of small talk first and to thank the other person for coming to meet with you, to apologize for that fact that you are about to have a very difficult conversation and to make it clear that you are fully prepared for any reaction and will respect how they feel at the end of the conversation.
• It may also be wise to tell the other person that you wanted to talk to them personally as they are an important part of your life and that you would like to first explain what has happened and then you will be happy to answer any questions.
• It is useful to have an agenda and let the other person know that is the case. Firstly, explain what has happened, then update them on the legal process and how you are addressing the problem i.e. seeing a doctor or psychiatrist, and then some more background to the offence and why it happened.
• By offering structure to the conversation it enables people to sit back and listen, as they know roughly what to expect.
• Be prepared to take breaks – it is a lot for both of you to deal with and take in.
• It is recommended to not, under any circumstances, describe what was in the photographs. The other person will not want or need that to go into their minds. They may press and may think that they do – but they do not. An example you might use is saying that there were some very difficult images – people are likely to understand what that means.
• Try to judge how much you tell people, based on your knowledge of them. There is already a lot for them to deal with – they do not necessarily need to know everything at the first meeting.
• It is very important to make it clear that you know that what happened was wrong and that, regardless of the reason for the offence happening, you take full responsibility for it as an individual and that you recognize and understand that what was virtual for you was very real for the children in the images.
• To end the conversation try to say that that was the awful full story, by thanking them again for listening, saying how sorry you are that the offence happened but that you wanted them to hear it from you and that you fully understand that they may not want to meet or speak again.
• Consider a short text the following day that just thanks them for coming and apologizes for what they had to listen to
• Then leave it up to them to choose whether or not to get in touch.