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Perspective taking

Move forward 3C – Disclosure Perspective taking

This is trying to understand someone else’s view. When thinking about your behaviour online, other people may feel a number of emotions, for example your partner would feel confused, betrayed, hurt, worried, scared. Complete the table below with behaviours you think you would notice due to the feelings listed. Add any extra feelings that you think are likely.

Feeling

Behaviour

Confused

Ask many questions, ask the same question more than once

Betrayed

Cry, ask what they have done wrong, be suspicious about future behaviour

Hurt

 

Worried

 

Scared

 

Shocked

 

How does knowing this can help you to talk?

Understanding how someone might feel can help you understand how they might react. Your online sexual behaviour will be something that others did not expect and they will have a lot of questions. For example, your partner will be wondering why you did this, what will happen to you, how it will affect them, if you have children the impact on them and what will happen in the future. Think about how scared and upset you are. They are likely to feel like this but with added shock as they didn’t know this behaviour was happening until you told them or the police arrived.

Active listening

An important part of communication is listening as well as talking. To really know how someone feels you need to ask them and listen to what they say, although sometimes it might be really hard to hear what they are telling you, especially if it is very negative about your behaviour or if they are very angry and/or distressed.

Why is it important to listen?

  • You accurately hear what is being said
  • People feel worthwhile if they are listened to
  • It is respectful
  • It makes the other person feel valued and that you are interested in them
  • The above makes them feel more positive towards you and more likely to talk to you in the future

Ways to show you are listening

  • Body language – person nods and gestures appropriately
  • Verbally – the person makes appropriate comments and sounds and asks relevant questions
  • Eye contact – the person makes eye contact with the speaker.

We will now look at how these skills can be used with different people in your life.

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