Chatbot

Move forward

Click to escape
Menu Retour aux modules Logout

Meeting your primary goods (needs)

Move forward 3B – Building a good life Meeting your primary goods (needs)

Ward also describes the role of secondary goods. Secondary goods are the means in which the primary goods are obtained.

- For example, a primary good example of happiness may be achieved through the secondary good of a positive personal relationship.

Tony Ward, PhD, DipClinPsyc

People who have problematic sexual behaviour were often trying to meet primary goods but in a harmful way. The most common primary goods that people try to meet online are:

  • Inner peace
  • Pleasure
  • Relatedness
  • Knowledge (curiosity)

(But some people might identify they were trying to achieve other ‘goods’ too.)

So remember this:

You need to identify the need (primary good) that is important to you and healthy ways (secondary goods) of meeting those needs.

For example, consider, Tony, he is a man who has previously been convicted of Internet offences. Tony lives alone and is quite isolated. However, he places great emphasis on the ‘primary good’ of social contact/activity which he used to meet through online chat. Tony has decided to meet this need through volunteering to undertake work in a community garden where he would meet a lot of new people.

Beware of obstacles!

Sometimes it can be really hard to meet your needs and there can be things that get in the way.

If this is the case then it increases your chance of trying to meet them through unhelpful ways – particularly if these are things that you have done before (we often revert to old habits, particularly in times of stress!).

Continuing with the example of Tony – if his way is blocked; for example, restrictions due to previous convictions means he cannot volunteer in the garden because a lot of young people spend time there. Tony has the potential to relapse into inappropriate use of the Internet in order to meet other people again. However, Tony was aware this might be a problem and had planned ahead, so he had a back-up plan. He thought that if he were unable to do voluntary work in the garden, he would be able to do work for the local animal shelter. Tony was able to start walking dogs for the charity and met other volunteers so still got a chance to meet his need for socializing, plus he started doing more exercise so felt healthier.

How do I plan for obstacles?

Some obstacles are easier to overcome than others, and to overcome some you may need to get help or support from professionals or specialist organizations (such as counselling to deal with grief or other negative life experiences). Some obstacles can take a long time and will be hard work to overcome (for example building self-confidence) but obstacles can be beaten and it is important to keep positive when tackling obstacles. See the problem solving section for advice on how to overcome obstacles.

Reviewing progress

Have you ever found yourself making New Year’s resolutions and then within a few weeks forgetting what they are or going off track? If we set goals, we need to check on our progress and that we are still on target to achieve them otherwise there is a danger of losing focus or becoming lazy and stopping altogether.

The following diary is a great way to keep motivated and review your progress each week.

Previous Partie
Back to Section
Next Partie
Logo Ça suffit
AUTOASSISTANCE
Logo Ça suffit
SELF-HELP PLATFORM