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Exercise 1: Understanding your needs

Move forward 3B – Building a good life Exercise 1: Understanding your needs

Download printable version of this exercise, with space to fill in answers.

Download printable template

Consider your life right now. Scale how well your essential needs are being met by giving a rating for each question between 1 and 7:

1 = the need is not being met
7 = the need is well met

For each question, write down one specific example that justifies your response. Additionally, make a note if you feel that this need is/was in some way being met through your problematic sexual behaviour.

  1. Do you have a sense of achievement?
    Do you have activities in your life that you feel good at? What is your general feeling of accomplishment from day to day?
  2. Are you satisfied with how you spend and divide your time?
    Are you satisfied with your job? Do you have a range of other worthwhile activities in your life that you enjoy and give you a sense of fun, excitement and challenge?
  3. Are you spirituallyconnected?
    Do you feel secure with an understanding of your meaning and purpose in life?
  4. Are you at peaceand feel comfortable with your life?
    Do you feel free from difficult feelings and know how to deal with these feelings when you have them? Do you feel physically and emotionally secure?
  5. How healthydo you feel?
    Do you take care of your body physically? Are you emotionally healthy?
  6. Are there people who are important to you and to whom you are important?
    Is there at least one person with whom you can be yourself? Do you have a sense of belonging and fitting?
  7. Do you have a sense of autonomy and control?
    Are your views heard and do you feel that you have a healthy influence over events? Can you manage the way you behave and the way you feel?

Are you secure in your knowledge and understanding?
Do you feel as though you know what is needed in order to feel OK in the world?

Although all of these needs are important, some will be more important to you than others. This next part of the exercise asks you to identify which needs you feel are priorities in your life.

Take a look back at the above needs. For each need, write the number 1, 2, or 3 with 1 being a high priority and 3 being less of one.

Select your highest priority need that was being met through your problematic behaviour. Focusing on this one need, answer the following questions:

  1. What specifically makes this need important in your life?
  2. Do you have any ideas of how you could meet this need without having your problematic sexual fantasies or your illegal online behaviour?
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