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How might a relapse happen?

Look at the steps to relapse described below. Maybe you recognize them from the past. It is very likely you might experience them – or some of them – in the future. Being prepared and understanding what is going on and what could happen is your best defence against offending again.

Abstinence (not taking action)

At this stage you are not doing anything illegal on the Internet. If you’re lucky, this might come easily but, for some people or at some times, this might need quite a bit of self-control. But it’s OK – you are coping and you know you’re doing the right thing.

Small decisions

Maybe you are just on the web reading about a celebrity, there are some photos too… There is nothing wrong with this but you are a bit closer to the possibility of doing something illegal. Maybe a part of you feels a bit uneasy or even a bit excited.

Danger

Now let us look at the situation and your state of mind.

  • Where are you? Perhaps you are on your own with time on your hands.
  • How are you feeling? Are you feeling down? You might be more tempted to do something wrong.

Maybe you are just surfing the net – nothing illegal. Even so, you can sense the danger here. But understanding that and staying determined to do the right thing can be enough to help you stop right there.

Lapse (loss of self-control)

A lapse is something that brings you very close to offending. For some people, looking at adult pornography might be a lapse; it can certainly be a slippery slope. Or a lapse could be putting certain words into a search engine, knowing it will bring up illegal sites. Or it could be a fantasy about looking at illegal images of children.

You will know what a lapse for you. You can use that knowledge. You can stop right there.

Giving up

The danger by this stage is that you believe you have failed already. You tell yourself nothing is changed – you are as bad as ever because you still have the same feelings…

When you feel that way, it is really easy to think ‘I might as well just do it.’ Remember though, you still have a choice and you can still choose to do the right thing – right for you and right for others.

Offending

You did not stop yourself this time; you have had problematic fantasies or accessed sexually exploitative images of minors. Do not make excuses for yourself – you know you chose to do something wrong.

You are here, reading this, so it is something you really do not want to do and something you feel bad about. So, USE those feelings and LEARN from what went wrong. Next time – if there is a next time – you are going to do the right thing.

No going back! The next sections look at how to avoid a relapse.